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| Not this kind of bobcat dummy. |
Bobcats are like petite post-menopausal women. It’s a fact.
If a bobcat gets ahold of your remote control you will be watching J.A.G. or
The Mentalist or Judging Amy some other hour-long drama that you didn’t know
was still on. A bobcat’s refrigerator contains foods that most folks take pride
in finding inedible: bottles of different raspberry vinaigrettes, skim milk, mango
salsa. The bobcat’s pantry is no better: an open box of Rosemary ‘n Tuscan Red
Pepper flavored Triscuit triangles (stale), Folgers decaffeinated crystals, dates.
A bobcat knows little about its compact car, but is still proud about getting a
cd player installed in it nine years ago. Bobcats go to reggae festivals and
drink wine there. Bobcats go to art openings wearing big kooky earrings and
matching goofy necklaces. Bobcats are either really for or are really against
gay cat marriage. Bobcats have ‘crazy eyes’ in photographs. Bobcats possess a thinly
veiled furnace of hate for their neighbors’ dopey teenage son Brandon. Bobcats
love loud sassy gay guys. Bobcats think they do a good job at covertly finding out
whether their nieces are having sex or not, but they are wrong. Sometimes
bobcats go to singles bars but leave because of all the rap music; “what
happened to country line dancing bars,” the bobcat thinks on the lonely drive
home with the radio off.
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| Goodness, I'm having hot flashes. I need some decaf ASAP! |
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